Haters Gonna Hate

Posted on Fri Apr 15, 2022

It simultaneously acknowledges that people get jealous when good things happen to others while giving the impression that the person having success doesn't care that others are jealous and are talking about them. 

I don't know many people who ACTUALLY feel this way though. Most people are kind of bothered... baffled even... when it's finally their time to shine and someone else feels the need to stir up trouble. 

I'm sure this has BEEN happening to me, I've just honestly been too busy to notice it. However, a friend told me the other day about a someone who was spreading rumors that I "must be doing badly because I've had to let my whole team go" and it got under my skin. 

In response, I have sung the song "Congratulations" from the musical HAMILTON in my head about 1,000 times where Angelica says to Alexander: 

"So scared of what your enemies might do to you
You're the only enemy you ever seem to lose to

You know why Jefferson can do what he wants?
He doesn't dignify schoolyard taunts with a response!
"


First of all, in case you're wondering, it's not true, we're transitioning business models and THREE newcomers are being on-boarded as we speak, but that's not the point of today's email... the point is that it is really hard when someone is talking about you to not get into conflict with them. 

This week I've given two presentations to Redstone Army Garrison employees (who were great audiences by the way) about civility in the workplace. One of my favorite slides addresses the four reasons why we get into conflict: 

1. You think you're right.
2. You think you HAVE to say something. 
3. You FEEL BETTER when you say what you want.
4. You ignore other's perspectives.

BOOM! Is this not so true? I mean... every part of me wants to shoot an email to this hater and say "you betta check yo self before you wreck yo self" but seriously... what good would it even do?!  I only want to do it because of #2 & #3. 

When you step back for a moment here's the reality... saying something would do NOTHING but crank up chaos and plunge me into conflict with this individual, and who has TIME for that? Would I feel better? MAYBE? But I definitely WOULDN'T feel better when a war of words sucks up even more of my time and energy.

And aren't we supposed to be GROWN people by now? Do you know what I mean? Why are 30, 40, and 50-year-olds walking around like it's middle school? Haven't we learned by now that we can take everything said to us and hold it up under the light of "IS THIS A FACT THAT I SHOULD RESPOND TO OR IS THIS A SUGGESTION FROM SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T HAVE ALL THE INFORMATION?" THEN we can decide what receives brain space after that?

So here's my challenge for you today. When someone's being snide... when they're talking about you behind your back... when they seem to want to crush any good thing you're trying to do...

TAKE A STEP BACK AND THINK: 
"DOES THIS ACTUALLY WARRANT ANY KIND OF RESPONSE OR DOES RESPONDING JUST PLUNGE ME INTO CHAOS? 
(it may make me feel better to say something... true... but I won't feel better when this escalates)"

You have every capability to just zip your lip, smile, and move on. 
Haters gonna hate. 
But you... you keep right on SHINING! 
I believe in you and what you're doing! 
Go get em Tiger!

Kristin